I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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