i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
