The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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