Midget sex pt 2 tonight
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
