i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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