So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
