I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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