btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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