I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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