If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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