Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
