was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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