mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
