My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's Friday. Sex?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I want a musical about memes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
