My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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