no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
