just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
