i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
