3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
