My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
