I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
