i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
