What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
