I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
