I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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