You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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