He kissed a someone with a penis
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
