Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
