ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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