Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
