so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
