ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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