dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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