There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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