They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
