it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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