capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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