I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
