Kareoke will never be a sober sport
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
