Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
smell my finger.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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