be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
