she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize