I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I won the penis lottery.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
