Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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