I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
