You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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