fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And then he peed in my hair
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