I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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