I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
