I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
