Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
