somebody snuck up and got me drunk
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
