it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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