so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
