Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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