i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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