AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
