I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
