Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
