You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
