dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
