remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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