Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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