My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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