I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
