just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
