WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
