Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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