Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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