i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
