something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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