his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize