If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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