does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
